One of my greatest challenges is showing up as the mom I want to be each day.
There is often a new struggle, a new level of need or discord that can arise throughout the day.
It can pop up out of the blue, like everything feels wonderful, like my babes are super connected and we are all vibing together…and all of a sudden my girls are tearing into each other like enemies and I get triggered, overwhelmed, stressed and stern.
Suddenly, I’m no longer the peaceful, playful, present mama I want to be.
I find myself snarling at my girls, raising my voice, speaking with a tone that is less than respectful and dictating what they need to do.
That fear of failing as a mom rears up in my mind and control mode gets kicked into overdrive. Instead of being relaxed, trusting and playful, instead of responding with compassion and kindness, if I’m out of alignment, I get reactive, rude and controlling.
The truth is that I feel ashamed that I react this way more than I care to admit. Maybe it’s part of my perfectionistic tendencies that I want to be an ideal mom to my girls all the time, that I am so hard on myself when I fail, that I have such high expectations of myself {and others}.
Still, whatever the reason for my desire to be an amazing mama, this desire persists. Because the truth is that I feel better when I’m treating my girls well. I feel more connected to them when I am respecting them, actively listening to them, consciously engaging with them and lovingly guiding them. And when I am in a place to be able to respond to them with grace and kindness, it is a reflection of how I’ve been caring for myself…
I remember reading years ago in a post from Scott Noelle that our babes are like canaries in a coal mine. Their behavior is a signal to us of the energy in our environment. When they are acting erratically, when they are easily overwhelmed, when they are melting down, when they are being rude, when they are struggling…our children are generally reflecting the energy that we are offering and that sometimes we are not even yet aware of.
Our children are so tuned in to their own energy, their intuition, to Life. They have so much to teach us, if only we can be present and have a willingness to learn.
And while I want to be present and peaceful with my girls all of the time, I notice that if I am out of alignment with my own wellbeing and energy, then it is nearly impossibly for me to show up in the way I want for my girls.
If I am exhausted, I tend to be more cranky with them. If I am stressed and feel pressure on myself to get work done, I tend to be more impatient with them. If I am overwhelmed, I tend to be less respectful to them. If I am angry or upset about something, I tend to be less loving with them than I’d like.
So while facing challenge may be a daily experience, the way I show up for it is completely my decision and totally in my power to choose.
This is why I believe in self love…in the way we care for, nurture, honor and treat ourselves.
When they say that we can’t pour from an empty cup, this is exactly what they’re talking about…we cannot be anything to someone else if we are not giving to ourselves.
Of course this does not mean being only selfish or self-centered, it means starting within ourselves to cultivate love and kindness and respect and wellbeing.
Self love means to think encouraging thoughts about who we are and who we are becoming. To treat ourselves as we would our best friends. To believe in ourselves the way we believe in our children. To honor ourselves the way we honor our partner.
To trust ourselves. To nourish and nurture ourselves. To show up for ourselves. To value ourselves. To be the love we seek, so that we may give love in the best way we can.
So while I know that being the best mama I can means showing up for my girls each day with a gracious heart and a willingness to practice patience, presence, kindness and respect. I also know that the way I do this is through the practice of loving myself.
When I honor myself with personal time to take a silent walk alone on the beach or move my body with my breath through yoga asanas or soak by candlelight in a bath or go to bed early and rest my body or prepare food just because it’s something I like to eat or call a friend because she matters to me or visit my mama because I love her or take a date night with my love to have fun just us or give myself even five minutes of reflection and appreciation before I start my day…then I empower myself to show up for my daughters as the mama I want to be.
Centered. Clear. Aligned. Patient. Tender. Kind. Respectful. Present. Engaged. Compassionate. Open. Connected. Loving. Gracious. Accepting. Receptive. Enthusiastic. Energized. Playful. Appreciative.
This is why I practice. Moment by moment. Day by day.
“Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, hard work, doubt, fear, worry or challenge…it means to be in the midst of these things and still be calm in your heart.” ~Unknown
To cultivate peace, we practice.
To love ourselves, we practice.
To be happy, we practice.
And as we grow this love within, we allow love to ripple out into everything we touch…our family, our friends, our communities, our environment, our world.
Everything begins within…
Start with loving your perfectly imperfect self right here and now.
Receive the alignment and abundance of self love.
Commit right now to one small practice you’re willing to integrate into your daily experience and notice how this choice to honor you soon creates a ripple of love in your life.
Sending ripples of love to you,
Denise
p.s. This pic is from my early years of being a mama…me gifting myself a little rest with my newborn first daughter on my chest. Such sacred, sweet memories.
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