We’ve all done it, fallen into that scary spiral of thoughts that inevitably ends with worst case scenario.
What if it doesn’t work? What if I fail? What if I don’t have enough? What if I can’t do it? What if I never? What if I lose? What if I’m lost? What if I get left behind? What if I get left out? What if I miss out? What if it’s not enough? What if it’s all meaningless? What if I suffer? What if I lose who I am? What if I fall into grief and never resurface? What if the worst possible thing happens?
These fearful thoughts are fairly normal from what I can tell, or at the very least, they are normalized. We are brought up in a culture of fear, one where our fears are used to drive us, to get us to buy things, to do things, to accept things, to act in ways that may not be in true alignment with our own highest good or inner wisdom.
Of course, there are times when our fear is really useful, when it protects us from danger (like from lions and tigers and bears!), but for most of us in modern times, fear and worry too often take the driver’s seat of our lives rather than the passenger’s seat, where they belong.
I am no exception. I have felt like a worrier since I was a child. Energetically, some say this has to do with kidney challenges in my physical body, but whatever the cause, I know how it feels to worry and feel controlled by fear. Growing up, I was constantly afraid of what came next, even as I was longing to have the experience. Instead of tuning into the excitement of change, I would often get buried by the fear of change. And from my experience, it is just no fun to worry and be afraid constantly.
Instead, I want to build a strong relationship with trust. And at the same time, make friends with fear.
I want fear nearby to be on call when it’s really needed, when there is real danger, but I want it to be in the passenger’s seat for the rest of my life, which is most of the time.
Lately, I’ve been in close contact with fear (if you read last month’s love note, you’ll know that health challenges can send me into a deep fear spiral!) and I’ve been reflecting on how I want to relate to fear.
Here’s some of what I’ve been exploring…maybe it will help or inspire you to explore your relationship with worry and fear.
What makes you afraid?
Does fear feel normal to you?
Are you aware when you become afraid?
How far into the fear spiral do you go before you notice?
When you are faced with fear, what are your go to practices to return to center?
What do you do to help yourself shift out of fight/flight/freeze and return to your rational mind space?
How do you soothe yourself to ease the overwhelming sensation of fear, loss, death, meaninglessness?
As part of this exploration, I encourage you to create a list of what soothes and supports you.
Let this be a creative project. Give yourself space and time to get into your flow, tap into your intuition and cultivate the feelings you want to experience in your life…bliss, alignment, grace, joy, wellbeing, appreciation, love?
Once you’re in that good feeling space, let your list making be a creative process. First, give yourself time to free flow…let anything that comes up show up on your paper. List every practice or idea that could potentially soothe you be included in this part.
After you’ve allowed all your ideas to come forth, now you intentionally choose. Circle or highlight the practices and self soothing ideas that feel most aligned and meaningful to you right now. I encourage you to include deep, intentional breathing on your list. Breath is life. The more you can practice connecting with your breath, the more you can return to center, to your place of peace and power.
Now that you are clear about which centering practices are most effective for you currently, let yourself be creative with making a lovely list that you can keep on hand to remind you when you need it. Make it beautiful. Adorn it with whatever evokes these good feelings. Pictures, colors, symbols. Whatever feels right for you.
Finally, post this self soothing love list in a space where you will see it regularly…this way, your focus will often turn to these ideas and you’ll be more likely to integrate them into your daily routine. Ultimately, you’ll become more aware of when fear is creeping in and you’ll naturally integrate these new soothing practices to help yourself feel more peaceful and centered. More trusting.
The more you create a discipline of focusing on the feelings you want to feel, the easier it will be to center and soothe yourself, even when faced with something that would otherwise feel overwhelming.
The more you cultivate love, the less chance there will be that fear will take control.
We are all learning how to better soothe, love and nurture ourselves. Practice makes progress.
Tell me what you’re doing to honor and support and soothe yourself, even when you’re afraid, even when you’re worried, even when you’re overwhelmed?
You’ve got this. You are already doing a great job. Practicing will just make it easier to soothe and love you.
Love & Peace,
Denise
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