“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
~Lucille Ball
Have you ever regretted a bath once you stepped your steaming, relaxed toes onto the bathroom floor afterwards?
Have you ever regretted sharing laughs with your dearest friend over a glass of delicious champagne on a summer afternoon?
Have you ever thought to yourself: “Damn, I shouldn’t have had that massage today”?
Didn’t think so.
Neither have I.
But, I’m gonna guess that perhaps you have thought:
“Ahh, I just don’t have time for a bath {or a nap, or to sit down and eat, or for any number of things you may deny to yourself in the name of busy-ness or other priorities} right now…gotta go make dinner {or finish laundry or take care of this or that…}.”
Can you relate?
If you’re human {which I know you are since we’re enjoying this interaction right here on this page}, then you have definitely done what you felt you “should” rather than what you most wanted to at some point or another in your life.
And if you’re a mama {or daddy!}, then you have put others before yourself countless times. For good reason, definitely. But still, you’ve moved your priorities to the back burner at various times and for different reasons.
This is okay. It’s totally okay for us to let someone come before us, as long as our tank is full.
You just can’t fill a glass with water from an empty pitcher.
No matter what, if we want to be able to truly help, support, nurture, attend to, and love others the way we know we can, then we absolutely must take care of ourselves first.
We’ve got to mind our flow of energy, of needs, of desires and attend to ourselves with love, compassion, patience, and trust.
I say this to you not from afar, as if I’ve already conquered this challenge, but from right next to you…by your side I journey with you on this grand adventure of life.
I face challenge and cope with the chaos of life that occasionally engulfs us all. I’m just really committed to learning to live with as much grace and ease and awareness as possible.
So lately, I’ve been aware that I really need to give to myself more.
I am strongly desiring more space, more relaxation, more unscheduled time.
And although parts of me look at all there is to do and wanna down another cup a joe and dive in to tackle all that “needs” to be done, another part of me just wants to ignore the schedule, snuggle up in my cozy bed, close my eyes and meditate. I want to let it all go and trust that I will feel inspired and energized and ready for more soon.
For now, I want to take a bath. Feel like I’m in a cocoon of safety, warmth, and everything is okay-ness.
So what’s a girl to do?
What would you do?
What do you do?
When your life is feeling exceptionally full, how do you move forward?
There have been many times when I just dove in and handled everything. With frustration, with tension, with resentment, I would check everything off the list and feel depleted, lacking, irked the whole time.
What is the point?
I thought the point of life is to enjoy it, to live it, to laugh, to love.
Where is the love for ourselves when we convince ourselves to ignore the sacred desire for time to slow down, tune in, reflect, and let go?
Surrendering to this truth has been a long journey for me.
Last year, my intention was SURRENDER.
{The year before was PLAYFUL..if you want to read more about that click here.}
2014…TRUST.
It’s taken a lot of practice and a lot of failure to begin to truly be aware of and to honor my deepest desires and needs for fulfillment.
If you don’t know, I’m the mama of two vibrant daughters, ages 3.5 & 8. In addition to home schooling our girls {with the gracious and loving support of my honey, my mama, and a brilliant community of friends!}, I also coach, teach yoga, tutor, and even volunteer occasionally. Needless to say, my schedule is full. {Some might say I’m busy, but I really prefer the word full because it feels inspired, not required.}
And I know how challenging it can be to fit in a five minute hot shower let alone a 30 minute {or even a 60 minute?!?} relaxing bath! Believe me, there have been many a day when a shower was a luxury of time that I just didn’t have.
Still, we know that everything changes. Our children grow. Jobs change. Situations shift.
So now, because I know how snappy, how curt, how short-sighted and close hearted I can get when I do not create time and space for taking care of me, I {do my best to} choose a new path.
I move forward allowing me to be my priority {as much as possible!}.
Part of me wants to say this sounds selfish…how could you possibly declare that you are your number one priority? People will think you’re self absorbed, snooty, naive, ignorant…what will they say?
Ahh, I remind my lizard brain {the one that constantly screams the dramatic possibilities of not having enough, of failing, of lack and attack as Martha Beck so brilliantly describes in her book: Steering by Starlight around p. 35}:
Everything is okay. All my needs are met. In this moment, I am well. So all is well.
So I let go of the word “indulge” when I think of lying in bed meditating or steeping in a steamy bath or sharing an afternoon out with a friend or sleeping late {after 7a} once in a while or watching the movie I want to watch or taking a trip I’m dreaming of or buying the boots I’d waited for years to or to choose whatever I wanted on the menu {without worrying about the price…read a brilliant article about this by Elena Lipson right here} or any of those things we really want to do but feel guilty or bad for doing because we are putting ourselves first when we make that choice.
Why does it feel so uncomfortable for us to give to ourselves?
Why is it indulgent to nurture yourself mind, body, and soul?
How could your life change if you gave yourself permission to take care of yourself as you would your own child? As your number one priority? Like you are truly worth all the love, attention, and kindness you give?
What if you start letting yourself receive?
I’m the kind of woman who wants it done…all at once and yesterday if possible. I know what it’s like to dive right in and push forward until everything is handled.
I also know the kind of burnout, overwhelm, lack of self control, and dis-ease in the body, mind, and soul that can arise when we overlook our own needs.
I’d much rather integrate down time, personal time, me time into my full life as a wellness practice. As a means of preventing the stress and exhaustion that come from refusing to rest.
It just feels so much more soothing, more in the flow, and definitely more fun to honor what I need, to allow myself to surrender, and to give myself permission to trust.
I am just as worthy when I rest as when I work.
Giving myself time to slow down makes space for energy to flow and creativity to flourish.
I refill my pitcher so I may bring water to all the people I love and all the projects I’ll accomplish.
I slow down and give to myself so I can feel full. Nourished. Energized. Fulfilled.
When I keep my own cup full, I have abundance to share.
Pardon me while I return to a sweet afternoon cat nap {me + my kitty happily napping in the sun}.
And here’s to you, filling your cup and cultivating more love, peace, and joy to share with your world.
Our world deserves the best, happiest, most vibrant you imaginable.
Be her.
Be you.
Loving you all the while,
Denise
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