Let Your JOY Outshine Your Fear
Remember the Tom Petty song that declares: “Most things I worry about never happen anyway”?
These were the words that kept repeating in my mind when I learned that my baby, a lil’ three year old sunshine girl, had three cavities in the deep grooves of her molars.
Never did I imagine I’d be making a decision about whether or not to comply with giving my daughter general anesthesia to repair her teeth peacefully, to attempt to do the fillings simply using a mild sedative, or to forego the dental work altogether and wait.
To say the least, I was distraught, worried, overwhelmed.
This is my precious baby we’re talking about.
And, somehow any time either one of my daughters is in pain or suffering, it hurts more than when I am ill.
My heart breaks for them.
So, being the woman I am, I did my research. I asked lots of questions {thankfully all involved were incredibly gracious and patient with me!}, probed possible outcomes, contemplated what the best choice could be, communicated with my honey, and meditated on what felt right.
We made the decision to go ahead with general anesthesia and repair the three cavities {which turned out to be five altogether…likely due to improper formation in the womb…yikes!}.
In the grand scheme of things, this may seem like a pretty small incident, but in the midst of making a decision for my lil’ girl, it felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
I have never been under general anesthesia, and the thought of allowing my baby to be injected with something that could potentially really harm her just felt like too much.
I had to focus on staying with my breath. Choosing positive thoughts. Knowing that all will be well.
What a powerfully incredible challenge to surrender.
The morning came when we were to take our babe for her procedure. Turns out it was also our elder daughter’s 8th birthday.
Every single birthday for our babes, we have been together…taken vacation days from work if necessary to continue the tradition of celebrating our babies’ lives as a family.
Not being able to celebrate with our first daughter in the way we always have added another layer of stress to my experience.
Instead of a day of fun festivities, we prepared for three hours at the dentist’s office followed by the remainder of the day on duty nurturing and tending to our healing babe.
Thankfully, we are blessed with an amazing support team of family and friends who nurture us and love us beyond words.
Even though I could not be the one honoring our first girl’s 8th birthday that day, she still had a special day with people who treated her like the precious soul she is.
How blessed we are!
And somehow, just knowing that we are so loved and so supported helped reassure me that everything really is alright.
Everything really is wonderful.
As I sat holding my second daughter, about to have a sedative shot into her arm, I found strength in the fact that there are good people in our lives, and in this world.
I felt the support of LOVE lifting me up.
And when my baby’s eyes went blank and her head flopped back in a way a mama would never want to see her child, my husband’s touch on my back helped remind me that everything is alright.
When the tears started streaming down my cheeks {like they are now as I write these words and remember those moments} and my breath felt stuck in my chest and they took my limp sedated child back to have this work done, I felt the powerless feelings of absolute fear and despair tinged with hope and love.
When my honey wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close to his chest, holding me as I sobbed and regained my breath, I felt reminded that this is what it’s all about.
Loving each other through the challenge. Finding hope in the despair. Freeing ourselves from fear by taking steps forward. Tuning in to ourselves and one another to overcome our darkest hours.
Expanding into love as we let our hearts shine.
Surrendering to the truth that life is ephemeral.
Allowing our emotions to flow. And choosing the thoughts that promote feeling better.
Asking for help when we need it. Remembering that we are not alone.
Breathing through the moments that feel like it’s all just too much.
Smiling at the gift of life to experience the duality of it all.
Appreciating the sadness that reminds us how beautiful this joy is…
Making space in our hearts to believe that everything really is wonder~full.
When 90 minutes had passed and our lil’ angel was in recovery, all I could do was stay close to her, breathe in the scent of her, press my cheek against hers, touch the softness of her skin, savor her presence in this life.
I know in the grand scheme of things, this was definitely not the worst case scenario.
And yet, that day was one of the scariest of my life.
I never would have thought that the fear of losing one I love the most would have come from a visit to the dentist.
Of all the fears and worries and concerns that swarm my mind, this possibility was never once in the mix.
I guess it’s a good opportunity for me to remember that the worrying is pretty pointless…the tough stuff is probably not going to be what I worry about anyway.
So, why worry?
How about starting a practice of releasing our worries to the universe?
How about surrendering to the truth that we are not in control of the circumstances of our lives?
How about embracing the truth that our only power arises from how we choose to respond to our experience?
How about trusting that love will lift us up and see us through?
When our lil’ love finally awoke with ease, my joy reemerged to outshine my concerns.
I give thanks for the gift of wellness.
For the gift of healers.
For the gift of medicine when we need it.
For the gift of family {including our friends…our soul family!}.
For the gift of grace to help us move through challenge with our hearts open.
For the gift of joy to shine shine shine.
Rhoda
December 13, 2013
That was beautiful and touching! Thank you so much for sharing this Denise!! I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for all of you. Your daughter is so brave!!! Wow. I felt so much emotion swirling inside of me as I read your words. Hope your daughter is okay and healing beautifully. Sending all of you major love!
Denise Dare
December 14, 2013
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words, Rhoda! I am happy & grateful to know my story moved you. Sending you love & hugs!
elanakarnold
December 17, 2013
As always, your perspective is beautiful and full of light. Just like you!
Denise Dare
December 17, 2013
My heart bursts with gratitude and love…thank you, as always, my beautiful friend!