Maybe it’s inevitable, maybe it’s preventable, but it feels like when we reflect on our lives, we can generally find at least one decision or experience that we now believe would have been better done differently.
Or so we think.
But, what if our decisions were truly vital to leading us to this place we call the PRESENT?
What if that so-called mistake was actually precisely what needed to happen to help us evolve into our current Selves?
I had a chat recently with a lovely mama who shared with me her possible regret about a decision regarding her child; although she was reluctant to call it regret, she thinks that her earlier decision may not in fact have been the best choice.
And I totally get it.
I long to live my days as the iconic words encourage: No regrets.
And yet, sometimes hindsight begs the question: was that past decision really the best choice?
My grandest “regret” is the reality that I did not enjoy and never will experience a blissful, spiritual, natural birth with either of my daughters. Despite the fact that I planned on birthing our first baby in water under the care of my midwife, for a myriad of reasons, our baby girl was born via cesarean section. I was medicated, faced surgery, and we spent our first few days together in a hospital…a far cry from my envisioned absolutely natural peaceful birth experience.
Oh, the devastation. Words are insufficient to express how incredibly heartbreaking this was for me. For years after her birth, touching my scar would evoke such sadness and longing for what never was.
But one day, as I was reading a story set hundreds of years ago, before the luxury of modern technology, when mothers in my circumstances would not have lived to hold their babies in their arms, I had an epiphany.
My attention shifted. I realized how grateful I am for my birth experience: my daughter and I are alive and well.
I realized that this is everything I could ever hope for, so maybe it was time for me to be grateful.
Now, when I feel my softened and weathered birth scar, I send LOVE to myself, I give thanks for modern medical technology and wisdom, and I remind myself that I did the best I could at the time.
I forgive mySelf everything.
And I love mySelf for embracing what was and what is while remaining open and connected to all that will be.
I like to think that as we reflect on past decisions, even though we realize we may not make the same choice today, we can begin to forgive and LOVE our perfectly imperfect experience and remember: WE DID THE BEST WE COULD DO AT THE TIME.
And isn’t this all we can ask of ourselves?
We are human.
We are perfecting.
And maybe instead of regret, we can transform our perspective to one of gratitude…feeling thankful to have grown so much that past decisions now feel somehow outdated, naive, or uninformed.
Maybe we can GIVE THANKS that we are in this place of knowing, of wisdom, of clarity NOW and that from here we can grow ever more abundantly in tune with OUR BEST SELVES.
So, is there any “regret” that you are ready to let go of today?
Can you release the past and transform your perspective with forgiveness and LOVE?
kianabkrr
January 25, 2013
i love this,i too view the past and decisions made, not to be regretted. i appreciate this blog so much!
daretoshineteo
January 25, 2013
Yay! I’m so happy to read your words…thank you for communicating! 🙂
kianabkrr
January 25, 2013
totally! it makes the day so much better, knowing that someone is relatively thinking the same.